Today I want to share one cool shortcut that most men and women don’t even consider when it comes to pleasing their lover– and yet it’s so amazingly powerful, it’s such a huge turn on, and it’s so sexually rare, that if you do it, it will make sex with you an absolutely unforgettable experience.
Here are 3 easy little tricks and tips for “how to” get yourself present with your lover
1) Focus on taste and smell. Taste and smell are the oldest senses. They developed long before more complicated things like touch and sound, and waaaaay before the super complex ability to see. Most single celled animals have the ability to sense chemicals in their environment (which is what taste and smell is) and either move towards or away from them. Let yourself get really absorbed in your lover’s scent and taste, and you’ll discover that you can become quickly engaged in being present with them. If you’re a beginner at this presence thing, I suggest that you wait until you’re already aroused, maybe even during intercourse, and then bring yourself powerfully into awareness of these primitive senses. Let yourself really feel into the experience. With modern hygiene and deodorant, you may experience being unable to smell anything from your lover’s skin. Stay with it. Taste. Tune in to what’s deeper underneath the smell of soap and laundry detergent. If you can, let it swoon you with pleasure. And then continue making love to your partner while completely sensually absorbed in that sense of them.
2) Eye contact + emotion. Anytime during sex, from foreplay to oral to intercourse to climax, find your partner’s gaze and make eye contact. They may (probably) have their eyes closed. Gently invite or request that they look into your eyes… And then share the emotion you feel right in that moment. This could be a simple smile that says, “this is fun!” or it could be a sigh of sensual pleasure, it could be an aching gaze of pure love, a lip-bite of pure lust, or even a little laugh of feeling like a silly, naughty kid caught with your pants down. You can use words here to say what you feel, or just a sigh, sound, or facial expression. Just get your feeling across, and then continue or return to making love. Eye contact, and then share an emotion. See if you can feel your partner’s emotion to. Let it pass between you like an instant, sexy communication. You don’t have to hold it for the entire session. It might be a moment, a few seconds, or a strong minute. You might find it threatening, beautiful, or hypnotic… but you’ll have made real contact.
3) Breath your lover This is one of my favorites. When you do it, it’s just so amazingly… present! Here’s how it’s done: When you are making love to your partner move your face right beside or in front of his/hers. The easiest place to transition to this is while kissing. (In fact, kissing is a great place to be present, but it’s also easy to kiss while being in fantasy or sensate focus). Then, when your partner exhales, ***especially when he/she moans, gasps, or sighs with pleasure, inhale their exhale into your mouth. You don’t have to have a seal around their face like a scuba mask, you can have your mouth against his/hers or you can be several inches away, just feel yourself “catching” your lovers breath and taking it in. You’ll begin by simply noticing when they are exhaling and catching it. Then you can intensify the game by feeling for when he/she is going to sigh or moan (or even scream out!) in pleasure, and inhaling their passion into your body. This turns your focus powerfully onto being present with your lover’s pleasure, and creates an intense, passionate, and highly present feeling for both of you. You can also hold back your own (authentically felt) moan of pleasure until you see that your partner is about inhale, hold your mouth close to his/hers, and breath your pleasure into their inhale. You’ll light up every cell of their body