Thanks for your email tips. I enjoy reading
I am especially interested in the oral tips. My
wife is not a big fan of oral. She prefers
heavier pressure than a tongue can provide and
she does not like the pinpoint feel of
individual fingers. Whole hand and cupped finger
pressure is what she prefers.
Any suggestions for oral improvements or do I just
have to resign myself to her preferences? Are
there techniques for somehow improving her
I’m really glad you wrote in with this
question, because it illustrates a really
important point about women that I talk about
all the time–
Every woman is different.
Of course we read everywhere that MOST women
prefer oral sex to intercourse or anything else,
but the reality is that no two women are exactly
alike, and the true gift is learning how to push
the buttons of the woman that you are with.
Which you have done.
But now let’s take a look at how we can make
it even better!
First of all, your wife’s preference is not
uncommon and it probably comes from her own
experience of making herself come for the first
time when she was first becoming sexually aware
and began masturbating.
The “whole hand” thing is the way most women
begin touching themselves, because they usually
don’t know much themselves about their own
anatomy. They just find what feels good.
The easiest way to do that without probing
around too much is with a broad surface to
After a while, she just blueprinted this idea
on herself that THIS is the way she has an orgasm.
The first thing I’m going to ask the two of
you to do, is really work on changing your
attitude about love-making.
Stop making it all about the orgasm. Really
tune in to just enjoying touching each other and
all the crazy good sexual feelings you can have
other than just coming.
More specifically, stop making it all about
There is this idea that the man’s sexual
pleasure is no big deal. He’s going to come
every time anyway, obviously he’s liking it, so
it’s all about whether or not SHE is going to
But the fact is, you like going down on your
wife– and even though that is not how you are
going to have your orgasm– it is part of YOUR
sexual pleasure. And so it should be part of
what you guys do together to just enjoy love-
Even if it doesn’t drive her towards her
orgasm, I’m pretty sure she can enjoy the
sensations she will get when you are down there.
Once you’ve both come to this realization of
just spending time enjoying each other and it
doesn’t matter if it’s what makes her come, you
might find the rest comes naturally and she will
discover sensitivity she didn’t know she had…
And maybe even surprise herself and start
having orgasms from just a very gentle touch with
However, here are some more specific tips on
increasing her sensitivity:
Place your thumb at the very top of the fold
of her vagina, on the hood of the clitoris, and
pull the skin firmly up and back.
This will expose the head of the clitoris and
make it MUCH more sensitive.
As she becomes more sexually excited, the
hood will try to move down over the clitoris–
it almost seems like the clit is trying to
hide as she gets closer to orgasm (weird female
biology), so you may have to use more pressure
with your thumb to pull it back and keep the
As I said, this will make her much more
sensitive– and for other guys reading this,
note that I began this response by saying that
every woman is DIFFERENT…
Some women will find this way TOO sensitive
and even unpleasant, and your girl might yowl and
leap right out of the bed as if you just gave her
vagina an electric shock.
To increase the sensation even more, try
sucking the head of the clit up into your mouth.
The pressure of the suction is a very powerful
sensation, and you can experiment with combining
this sucking action with stimulating her with
your lips and tongue.
You could also, at this point, insert a finger
and curl it upwards onto her g-spot. For most women
this combination is ridiculously powerful.
Play with this stuff, pay attention to what’s
working, and most of all have some fun and
enjoy each other.
These few little tips should work to drive
her completely crazy and seriously re-wire her
own ideas of what can make her come.
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