Foreplay before the foreplay is always a must. And the best way to heat things up is with a little lip service. Kissing on the mouth, the neck, and all over can be very erotic. Once you’re warmed up, try these techniques for taking kissing to the next level.
Guide for Him
A woman loves it when a man pleases her orally. It is often the best way for her to reach orgasm. For some men, this can be intimidating, but with the right technique and attitude, you’ll be a pro in no time.
Start by kissing her abdomen and inner thighs and then tease her a bit. Alternate the stimulation between her genitals and other parts of her body to really turn her on.
Get Into It
Take in her scent and taste, and let her know that you’re enjoying yourself. Use your tongue and lips to stimulate the labia majora and minora. Begin with long, slow kisses and licking and gradually increase the speed and intensity as her arousal builds. Don’t just lick up and down, since concentrating on only one spot can lead to overstimulation.
Move your tongue in different directions. Experiment with speed and pressure, but try to keep a rhythm or steady pattern of movement since short spurts of erratic stimulation are likely to throw her focus off. And don’t just use your tongue and lips — your fingers, teeth, nose, and breath can also be employed as oral pleasers and teasers.
The perineum is another sensitive area. You can stimulate it with either your tongue or your fingers (but don’t use the same fingers around her vagina without washing first, because bacteria from the anus can be harmful to the vagina).
Use Your Hand
Manual stimulation can be just as much of an art form as oral stimulation. For women who prefer less direct contact, try moving your fingers in a small figure eight around the clitoris, then try making a larger figure eight over the entire length of her vulva.
You can also hold her labia open while you use your middle finger to stroke up and down. Many women enjoy having the vaginal opening massaged. If your partner prefers direct pressure on her clitoris, you can tap or rub it constantly with one or two of your fingers.
Stay aware of the telltale signs of her enjoyment, such as moaning and heavy breathing. She may squeeze your hand, grip the sheet, or push her pelvis up toward your face. Other physical signs, such as increased vaginal lubrication and swelling of her vulva, will also clue you in to her pleasure. And if you’re still not sure, it’s okay to ask if she likes it. Communication is key when it comes to great sex.
If she remains silent or still or, even worse, pulls away from you, that’s your hint to slow down and try something different. Ask her what feels good or how and where she prefers to be touched. Let her know that you’re interested in her feedback and that your goal is to please her.
Go for the Gold
When she is appropriately aroused, start using your tongue to stimulate her clitoris — the most sensitive part of a woman’s anatomy. Some women enjoy direct contact; for others indirect contact is better. This may also vary as arousal intensifies.
While working the clitoris with your mouth, insert one or two fingers into her vagina with a gentle thrusting motion. If you tilt them upward just slightly, you can also massage the G-spot. You’ll know you’ve hit it when you feel a spongy bump about one to two inches inside the vagina toward her navel. Done right, clitoral stimulation is the best way to bring a woman to the edge of orgasm and then take her over the edge.
One significant way in which women and men differ sexually is in their post-climax physiology. For you, there is a refractory period that zaps your energy and can last several hours. For her, there is still excellent potential for arousal after orgasm. Some women can even have multiple orgasms. If you and your partner take the time to understand how sex may be different for you than it is for her, you’ll be able to find your rhythm together, and that’s what good sex is really about.
If you’re still feeling reluctant, or need some more pointers, get a copy of my ebook on how to give your woman multiple orgasm (www.wunmiomololu.com/multipleorgasm.htm) . It’s a step-by-step guide that explains the importance of oral stimulation for women and gives you more instruction on how to do it well.
Guide for Her
I’m sure I’m not the first to tell you that men love oral sex! Maybe it’s the thought of you pleasing only him, maybe it’s that he gets to watch you do it, or maybe it’s the stimulation that only a tongue can give, but whatever it is — he loves it. Many women give up on oral sex because they find it unpleasant or figure they can just have intercourse instead. If you’ve had problems with oral sex in the past, I encourage you to give it another try. It can be a great way to show your partner you care about pleasing him.
Give It a Chance
To start off, here’s a tip for anyone worried about her gag reflex: Focus on breathing through your nose and using your hand to provide stimulation as well as your mouth, so you can control how much of him is going into your mouth and how far back he’s going. This technique will reduce the chances of his penis hitting the back of your throat and causing you to gag.
If you don’t want to swallow, it’s perfectly fine to let it go on his stomach or switch to intercourse before he climaxes. This is something you may consider discussing with your partner before you engage in oral stimulation so he can warn you when he is nearing climax.
Begin licking his testicles and the shaft of his penis. Use your hands to help massage him — start at the base of the penis and slide them up and down around the shaft. Try rubbing his testicles, licking them, and cupping them in your mouth.
Slide your mouth over the head of his penis. Suck gently with the traditional up-and-down motion. And make sure you are very careful not to scrape his penis with your teeth.
Discover the different sensations you can use to arouse him. Suck harder, softer, faster, and slower, until you figure out what he likes. Alternate between sucking, licking, and kissing. Bring other parts of your body in on the action — your breasts, for example.
Use your breath to tease him. Blow long breaths along the shaft of the penis, or tease him with short, rhythmic breaths over the head.
Observe his body language (and his erection) so you know if he’s enjoying your moves. You can also just ask. I’m sure he’ll be happy to give you feedback.
Let him know you’re enjoying giving him pleasure. Make eye contact with him. Moan a little. The vibration of your voice can create another level of stimulation.
When he is about to climax, continue with a steady motion of whatever stimulation you’re giving him at the moment. If you don’t want to swallow, try to make a quick but subtle and seamless transition to manual stimulation. Once he climaxes, hold him in your mouth (or hand) for a moment without moving. Men are extremely sensitive right after they orgasm, so give him a moment to relax before gently releasing him.
One thing that all men have in common is that they like to have their genitals touched. If you want him to take the time to warm you up properly, give him what he wants by going for his genitals faster. That’s right — the next time you’re starting to get it on, unzip his pants and give him a nice kiss!
I hope the His and Her Guide to Oral Stimulation will bring you and your partner a lot of pleasure! Remember that toys can be incorporated into any sex act to enhance arousal and spice up the experience for both you and your partner. Once you get your technique down, try getting creative by orally pleasing each other in different positions — sitting, standing, or in lying!!!!